190420
0549pst
The Tower
INSOMNIA
    Two weeks ago I stopped going to therapy. Have been seeing Dr. Clark weekly for about 4 years, and we get along. We're dealing with generalized anxiety and depression, result of trauma and everything else. My plan is a three-month hiatus to see what progress I can make on my own. I know the field but have been procrastinating the actual work, which is mostly sobriety and socializing. Aim is to confront this stuff directly, and to gauge a more long term barometer when we resume sessions in July. Except now I can't sleep.
    This is night three or four... I'm up late, doing little, and then turn in and lay awake. When the sun comes up I'll drift until early afternoon, maybe later, and procrastinate getting up. I'm out to grab coffee and breakfast, then probably home for the day. Every day. I'm (still) not exercising, or even working much. I bounce from screen to screen until it's time to lay down again, and this week even sleep is breaking down.
    In the fall I started an actual meditation practice which held up for several months. I still have the space and technique, but have slacked. And I know an awful lot of what's wheighing on me will dissolve with continued good sitting. It's almost like going to the bathroom, just letting detritus pass away.
    ALSO required, of course, is plenty more moving around. My stupid glorious body is going to fail again if I don't move it around more, so exercise will now included. I'm going to get this right. There is still so much work to do.

 

 
  190410
0216pst
Lust
HOD
    HOD (הוד) is the eighth sphere on the Kabalistic Tree of Life. The word means Splendour, Majesty. Its planet is Mercury (☿), and its colour is Orange (Queen scale).
    As of Mercury, here do we also know Hermes and Thoth, Odin and Loki, and Hanuman! Here we burn of Opal, resourceful like the Jackal, and know protections of the Moly herb. Here from the Tarot we know Swiftness, Indolence, Interference, and Prudence. May we grok the properties of quicksilver and of the sacred cactus button, and liven the air with Storax. Here we feel Comfort of The Holy Ghost from Scripture, Him that inspires, Him that heals of plague. Here May we know Diana of Rome.
    We come Here to Know the Transcendent Moral Truthfulness of our situation. Here we are in the Third of Four Worlds, Yetzirah - The World of Formation
    We call upon MICHAEL, Great Archangel of the South, He of The Fire Wand, Secret Chief and Teacher from Realms beyond knowing, to guide this Working! We dedicate this Year of PTWF to HOD, and to The Splendour of The Eighth Sphere. We call upon all those Named and all those Not to nudge us along and guide us in unlocking the Mysteries of Form held herein.
    We seek these aims humbly and without prejudice, for the ultimate benefit and ascension of all humankind. 93, 93. Ateh. Malkuth. Ve Geburah. Ve Gedulah. Le Olahm. Amen.

 

 
 
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